Kelsey Imbiber: How to Annoy Percy Jackson
by linkinparkfan9799
Summary: Sup,I'm Kelsey,you know,the girl from the title above? Well,bottom line so I can get this over with is,I annoy the F*CK out of Jackson for him being such a punk,K? Read and review,and I hope you'll consider being my friend-raises knife with chocolate.
1. The List

No rights to Percy Jackson.

_My list_

I hate Jackson, just as much as my half-sister Clarisse! Oh yeah, that's right B*TCHES! I'm a daughter of Ares! WOO! (Small victory dance before Mom yells at me to sit down at the dinner table). Phew…Clarisse comes over at times, since my mom knew hers, you know? Mom…uh…she plays a lot of war games, so they practically flood the place. She owns, like, a bazillion guns, most machine guns, wrestled for two years, goes to the range every Sunday (ironic huh?), and she often participates in any charity for soldiers, navy, etc. No matter how many times Clarisse asks me how Dad came to get her, I will _never _know. Mom's sweet, only not so nice to the game or the range targets (plenty of evidence and 'Curse Recording'). Where was I? Huh…oh yeah!

The Time Aphrodite Learned How To Read!

So, Athena was just walking somewhere in Olympus-

OW! HEY! _NOW _you tell me I've got it wrong? You should've said it _before _the title! Aphrodite's going to SLAUGHTER me! Ugh…I hate you.

So, I guess I was talking about Jackson. Okay, so he's a punk, got that? That little runt hurt Dad. I'm NOT going to stand for it! Here's a list I've been working on for when I go to Camp Half-Blood next year! Note: Clarisse has told me about him a lot, so I know full-in-well what I'm writing.

Ten Ways to Annoy P.J

1. Lock both him and Annabeth in a closet and refuse to let them out (extended time in Heaven huh?)

2. Replace all of Percy's clothes with sea-weed and a fake mermaid tail (Poseidon might be a bit upset, but who gives an F*CKING hoot?)

3. Push him into the water and demand him to swim to Atlantis.

4. Repeat #3 with smaller areas of water (preferably small plastic cups of water to make him yell at you until his voice is gone)

5. Draw on his face at night (lame, but there are more!)

(Note: I have this weird ability to make books of people's lives appear from their thoughts…)

6. Give Clarisse all of the books of Percy Jackson without telling him (those are apparently by his pen name 'Rick Rordon').

7. Steal all his money and feed it to O' Leary.

8. Keep chucking live fish into his cabin

9. Give him red food and say it's from Annabeth (for example: heart cookies, strawberries, apples (for a bonus with apples, drop it on his foot and make him catch it, then exclaim 'OH MY GAD IT'S EDWARD CULLEN' in an impersonation voice of Annabeth).

10.

Now…what could I do for ten? The phone rings and I run up to get it, pushing the chair far behind me and falling flat on my back onto the floor. Well, that is if you don't include the slight upward bent of my head due to it slamming into the step of a garbage can that swings open in contact. I grumble as I get up, stomping over to the phone and picking it up, blinking blankly in front of me.

"Hello?" I say, my Canadian accent sticking stubbornly.

"Hey Kelsey, it's nice to hear you again," Clarisse, being the only person she says 'nice' to, greets. "So, are you ready for Camp Half-Blood sis?"

"Eh," I shrug, even though she can't see me. "I have this list and I need to find one more thing for it."

"What's the list?"

"It's 'Ten Ways to Annoy Percy Jackson' why?"

There's a bit of hesitation before she speaks again. "Try something to do with his parentage."

"Okay I have, like, _four _of the nine on there about his F*CKING parentage!" I take my bottle of water and uncap it, squeezing the phone between my left cheek and my left shoulder, when it suddenly spills all over me. "Scratch that, _oh so F*CKING wonderful _parentage…"

"Huh?"

I sigh. "N-Never mind, okay? So, got any useful ideas? I know you have a brain _somewhere_!"

Clarisse chuckles, me being another Ares daughter and the smack talk perfectly understandable (phew…I need shorter sentences!). "Okay, wise guy, try something with the Capture-the-Flag games I keep telling you about."

I blink, which makes me smirk maniacally, making Mom take her plate and walk into the hall, probably going to her room and under her bunker (oops, I meant _bed_). "Thanks Clarisse."

"No-"

I hang up. I walk over to the list and scribble the last and final way. Of course, to keep you reading, I won't tell you until later. He, he, he…ha, ha, ha…Ha, Ha, Ha…MUAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **Cough** Ouch…I hold my throat with my right hand. Maniacal laughter hurts. I sit own and start making another chart, picking up my fork with the swordfish on the other end and stick it in my mouth. Strange enough, I think I'm the only Ares off-spring that even likes making charts and lists…

_Kelsey Imbiber _

**Hair: **_Long, curly, crimson_

**Eyes:** _Brown with a strange hint of crimson_

**Skin: **_pale_

**Height: **_6' _

**Age: **_eighteen _

**Width: **_thin, doesn't eat much_

**Origin: **_Toronto, Canada (Ontario)_

**Current Residence: **_Seventeen miles South of Niagara Falls_

**Obsessed with: **_Anime and weapons_

**Hates: **_Poppers and Jackson_


	2. First Day and 2

Note: I'm not putting every single way into one chapter. Jade (not Jade Olivia) was based on superchick11 and Ashlyn by…sorry, I can't remember the pen name, but just one of superchick11's friends, okay? Enjoy and review (remember, I'm a daughter of Ares).

_First Day and #2_

Clarisse stomps hard on the brakes at the bottom of the hill. When I say hard, I mean _hard_. My head slams onto the dashboard, and I shoot my head back up, laughing in pain. She chuckles slightly and shoves out, making me realize she didn't have her seat belt on for the whole ride. We race each other up hill, laughing and trying to push the other down. My crimson and black backpack shoves up my back inch by inch and once we enter through the arch, it lolls over my head and flips me! I mean, what the He** backpack? (I would say 'I thought we were friends!', but that's just overboard.) I hear laughter and fight the pack to stand, blowing hair out of my face to stare at a familiar, tall figure. Her hair is brown, sort of like milk chocolate I guess. Her orange T-shirt says 'Camp Half-Blood' and her jeans droop to black combat boots with 'Your face goes here' on the toe of the boots. I smirk once I see the onyx black eyes.

"Sup Ashlyn!" I greet with my Canadian accent thickening with the stress, if that's even possible.

Okay, before I continue, let's freeze time for a short second. Now, you know how I'm a daughter of Ares who makes books of peoples' thoughts 'written by' so and so, right? Of course you do, because you read the first chapter. (If you didn't, go F*CKING back and read, otherwise you're not going to get some of this SH*T, much like the title of this d*m thing.) Ashlyn is another daughter of Ares, an American from Dublin, California. Honestly, I'm sort of jealous seeing how close it is to Disney Land while I'm near _Niagara Falls_. I mean, a daughter of Ares going to see water…F*CKING yippee. At least at Disney Land, you can have some actual _fun _and only get wet if you _want _to (unless if it rains, but that's a slight possibility). I mean, she's cool and all, and I've known her for a while, since she's also eighteen, but the sad fact is this…she's Percy's BF. I mean come on! How _that _happened I will _NEVER _know. Seriously, if you smacked me with a wrench I probably still wouldn't get it, and the probability is as high as me getting a concussion from that. Now, let's unfreeze time as if we're in a Modern Warfare game and get on with this, okay? I have a D*CK to torture.

"So, Kelsey, how've you been?" she walks to us, patting our shoulders.

"Eh, I'm still Canadian," I smirk, "but my Russian blood from my grandfather says to get the F*CK out of here before Percy's little friend ruins my chances to torture him."

"That's the _longest _response that was needed," she sighs. "Also, who said I wouldn't let you torture Jackson? As long as I'm not there, I'm fine."

"Why, don't want to see your little friend get hurt?" Clarisse laughs.

Ashlyn rolls her onyx eyes and smacks Clarisse's arm roughly. That's when I get a faint tinge of war, this war being deep in my Greek blood. I sigh. Yep, she's here. You know, there's going to be a lot of pausing, so let's just take one now before you _explode _(as funny as that would be) from curiosity. Now, the Greeks don't like the Romans much, at least, back in the ancient days. If you put those together, you will get that there's a _Roman _in a _Greek _camp, okay? If you're following, nod at the screen and just keep reading along now. Her name's Jade, and she's…a best friend to her Stygian Iron sword.

**Stygian Iron **like Celestial Bronze and Imperial Gold, a magical metal capable of killing monsters

**Imperial Gold **a rare metal deadly to monsters, consecrated at the Pantheon; its existence was a closely guarded secret of the emperors

**Celestial Bronze **a rare metal deadly to monsters (Greek)

**Pantheon **a temple to all gods of Ancient Rome

**Monsters **mutated sacks of CR*P originated from Kid's imaginations and the beginnings of F*CKING time

And for the later note: **Pluto **the Roman God of death and riches. Greek equivalent: Hades

Yeah, I said it loud and clear. Now, if you don't get it, here's a nice little clue for you…HER DAD IS THE F*CKING ROMAN GOD OF DEATH! Was _that _a nice hint, or do I have to come over to your house and beat it into you? Hmm, what's that? Yeah, I _thought _so. To give you even more of a drag on bio, her sword is called Basilisk, and for more reasons than it has a deadly ring to it. Well, more of _that _later.

"Oh, here's Miss Death!" I snap, being the daughter of war and all. "How are you? Oh wait…I shouldn't ask you that, since you're practically Goth being Death's little daughter."

She rolls her gray eyes and ruffles her chin length bob of black hair. "Yeah, hey, where's your friend?"

She's talking about a son of Aphrodite, Tom Felton. I look behind me and see him dragging his suitcase and mine behind him. You know, I actually _forgot _he was even with us…His short brown hair falls in front of his sea eyes, which oddly enough I read as sexy eyes every time I read it down and direct it in light, which is often. He's tall, and the same age as the rest of us, eighteen. He's thin for his age if you ask me, and…British.

"You think you could help me with this, Kelsey?" he smirks, kind hearted as he is.

Honestly, he's more an Apollo kid, but hey, Aphrodite chose to make him his son. Sometimes it just makes me wonder. I roll my brown eyes and get a brief scent of sea. I grit my teeth; _Jackson_. I turn to him and give him my own death glare, making him blink. "You must be Tom and…Shelley?"

"Kelsey, it is Kelsey you twerp," Clarisse sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. You know I have to agree.

He shrugs and starts walking away. I roll my eyes, and then smirk at the thought of something to do later.

ARES, B*TCH!

"Tell me again why I'm helping with this when I could be talking to Tom?" Jade sighs with her hands on her hips.

"Because, Tom likes a girl with spunk," I lie, which get's her to finally speed up a notch. Oddly enough, so does Ashlyn. Clarisse and I later decide to kick back on the shore and wait it out for them to get enough seaweed, soaked enough.

ARES, B*TCH!

Someone pounds on the Ares Cabin door roughly, waking up Clarisse, Ashlyn, and me. Fortunately, the rest are too tired to even move. Ashlyn twists the knob and opens the door to an unwelcome ray of sun. The three of us shield our eyes with our arms and stare at Percy, wearing a fake mermaid tail from Party City and seaweed to cover the rest up marginally. We burst out laughing, especially with the seashell bra Clarisse suggested. Hey, have you read Bad Girls Don't Die? If you haven't, you should, it's a good book. If you have, read it again. If you have, remember that part with Alexis and her friend who cause trouble everywhere and it's only funny with more than one person? Well, it's like that. The rest of the cabin wakes up and the walls shake with our laughter, and the fact most of us are pounding on the wall and/or floor.

"Ha, ha, ha, yes it's extremely funny!" he snaps, obviously bitter to the bone. "Now where are my clothes!"

My ribs hurt and I'm no longer laughing, since I'm quickly running of air and just roll on the floor, hugging my ribs, red in the face, eyes scrunched, and mouth wide open and vibrating as if the laugh was audible, or at least it was once. Tears start lolling out my eyes, and I swear I hear Dad laughing up in Olympus.

ARES, B*TCH! YEAH, I F*CKING SAID IT!

Tom stares at me from the Aphrodite table, not far away. "Why did you do that again?" I hear him as Ashlyn across from me.

"Oh, because I'm a bad girl," she twirls her hair in a flirtatious way.

He rolls his eyes, smirking and turning, glancing at Jade, sitting alone at her table. I see her give me a thumbs up behind her back and I rack up cash. Now, before you ask, here are three simple words that you'll get easily: _I took pictures_.


	3. Wish and 3 4

Note: Atlantis doesn't exist in reality, only here. Plus, Kelsey's insane, deal with it.

_Wish and #3+4_

Clarisse leads me to the Poseidon cabin, confusing me and Tom a bit. She raps on the door and a boy identical to Jackson comes out, except his hair is down to his chin, not to the bottom of his ears. He smiles and waves. "Hi Clarisse, are these the new campers?" She nods. "Well, welcome! I'm Logan, Logan Lerman Jackson."

**(A.N: Okay…so if you'd review, I'd probably would have been able to steer away from that, but look at superchick11 and her friend, since they suggested it and I try my best to follow through with suggestions (I'd just like it for my other stories you know? **Hey linkinparkfan9799 am I able to F*CKING continue? **Sure Kelsey.)**

Okay, after _that _interruption, Logan steps out and shuts the door behind him, leading both Tom and I towards the ocean, Clarisse with a huge grin on her face. I look past the trees and mess to spy Jackson, on a sort of cliff. I stop and search my pockets for the list, then my jacket, and then my bag. Nope, it's definite that Clarisse took it. D*m it to Hades and let's just cause some mayhem! Now, pretend we just went through an amazingly boring process essay, and you're at the conclusion. In big bold letters as the last sentence, it reads: **Results may vary**. Well, this'll definitely vary. I cackle softly and run up forward, receiving odd glances from both Tom and Logan. I creep up behind the rough bark of a tree and stifle a laugh, tip-toeing behind him as he views the ocean. I quickly shove him in and he falls into the water, sort of thrashing in surprise. I laugh, hugging my ribs, and take a deep breath.

"Hello Percy!" I call. "Do me a solid and swim to Atlantis will you? I need to see what actual mermaid tails look like!"

I burst out in my own laughter, rolling on the ground.

_3. Push him into the water and demand for him to swim to Atlantis._

And for the last chapter since the thought slipped my mind: _2. Replace all of Percy's clothes with seaweed and a fake mermaid tail._

He scowls and swims to the shore, where Logan and Tom help pull him out. In the distance, I see Clarisse laughing her as* off and swear I hear Dad laughing again. Well, all's fair in love and war right?

ARES, B*TCH!

It's archery, and I'm thirsty. I settle down my bow and arrows when they call time and walk over to the water glasses awaiting us on the table. I smirk maniacally and grip Percy's sleeve, since I _magically _got into his classes (thanks Dad!). "Hey, dude, I'm sorry for earlier, that was uncalled for."

"You bet it was," he mutters.

"Well, I'll make it up to you," I wink. "How about you have my water as well, okay?"

He shrugs. "I guess it wouldn't hurt."

Oh he's so wrong. We go in front of my glass and I step behind him, his reaction of turning too late for when I push him at it, the glass shattering under his back and the water seeping in the cuts; DANG IT! I sigh and laugh, recovering my happiness and glee. "Swim to Atlantis buddy boy, because I won't stop until you do!" I demand.

_4. Repeat #3 with smaller areas of water (preferably small plastic cups of water to make him yell at you until his voice is gone._

Well, he yells, but it takes less time than you'd think out of all honesty, and trust me, that honesty is very little.

ARES, B*TCH!

SWEET! Two (insert name for gold coins here) from Dad! Oh this ROCKS! Clarisse pats my back as a good job, and I take out the pictures from last chapter, hoisting myself onto the table and doing something I should've added to the list. "STEP RIGHT UP FOR YOUR VERY OWN BLACKMAIL PHOTOS OF PERCY JACKSON DRESSED LIKE A MERMAID!"

Logan laughs, Percy slams his head on the table, and about the rest of the camp comes up. Three words: _I made copies_. You got to love my life, it's pretty sweet. That's when Jade and Ashlyn come up next to me. "Five (something I can't pronounce in or out), busters or the pictures are burned."

Most mumble curses, but they all agree and start coughing up the money. I collect it all in a Canadian hat from Disney World's Epcot and soon, most of the camp has mermaid pictures. Jade walks down next to me, plucking the hat from my fingers. "Hey!"

She takes out about a third of the F*CKING profits and Ashlyn takes another third, leaving me with the last and only third. I glare at them. Ashlyn smirks. "Well, who do you think got all the seaweed?"

"Not all of it!" Clarisse reminds.

"Oh well, I need it to get Tom something."

Jade's eye twitches and she slowly turns to Ashlyn. "That's funny…_I _was going to get Tom something…"

I groan and put my head in my hands. Here we go again. "Do you even know what he wants?"

"No…but _Kelsey _does…" Jade turns to me.

I sigh. _Ares help me. _I start running, Jade and Ashlyn chasing me like crazy. I grab Tom in the middle of my run and he stares at me, totally confused. "Quick, what's the thing you want most at the moment?"

He blinks. "Why?"

"JUST ANSWER THE G*D D*M QUESTION BEFORE TWO CRAZY CHICKS BITE MY HEAD OFF!"

He smirks. I guess he's always liked that about me, the rough posture I strive to keep standing. "Hm…well I've always wanted a guitar after the one I had broke last semester."

He's talking about before we came here. "Great, now shove off."

I shove him sideways, making him stumble for a slight moment, and keep running. Well, I know what he wishes for, now I wish for the following to my father: _Ares, I wish for you to F*CKING HELP ME! I MEAN COME ON! YOU KNOW MOM CONFISCATED MY SWORD FOR THAT…incident…_

Yeah…did I ever mention that one of the multiple reasons I definitely know I'm an Ares child is my temper? My back grows heavy and I feel at it to touch the smooth edges of an AK-47, my personal favorite. I snatch it out and turn, the shape morphing to a long black sword of Imperial Gold mixed with Celestial Bronze (WHAT?). That's when Jade takes her own out and Ashlyn slides _Felt_, a very ironic name, out, the Imperial Gold and some other metal glistening with the crimson of war. I feel my eyes flash, and it to is the color of war.

"BRING IT!" I scream, charging.

Clarisse soon joins, I guess for the heck of it.

**Short, but hey, it's quirky!**


	4. 8

Note: I'm bored, so I'm putting up a useless note. Deal with it, mostly since I really should get going with this. Enjoy, blah, blah, REVIEW OR *****CENSORED UNDER THE FACT SHE MIGHT GET ARRESTED***** OH COME ON LINKINPARKFAN9799 (what a drag)!

_#8_

Yesterday, not much happened. Today, not much _is _happening. Honestly, you could smack Tom with Basilisk and he'd still be asleep. Clarisse prods him with some twig she found outside and her rustles in his sleep, turning over. I sigh and look back at Ashlyn. "Why am I doing this again?" I mouth.

"I want to snuggle my Tom without him knowing it's me," she shrugs.

I raise a brow, but before I can re-open my mouth (which would be the worst possible thing to do) Clarisse prods Ashlyn's head with her twig. "How does that make any sense? Plus, why did you have to drag _me _from sleep to do this SH*T?"

Ashlyn sighs. "Would _you _want a boy as hot as Tom to know you're hugging him in his _sleep?_ Do you know how creepy that is?"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT?" Clarisse and I snap.

Stirring moans of 'wake me up later mommy' start to rise, so Clarisse and I push ahead of Ashlyn and slam the door in her face, not really regretting the future events. All's fair in love of war, but _waking me up from a Saturday sleep _is the_ BEST _way to_ P*SS me off. _

ARES (Yawn…do you know what _time _she woke me up?), B*TCHES!

Percy is smirking at my fatigue. Logan is merely chatting to Annabeth, the chick Percy simply _adores_. Tom is staring at Ashlyn with wide, fearful eyes. Jade is, as always, teasing Ashlyn about her screw up of waking up two Ares daughters at 2:00A.M just to hug an Aphrodite son! Trust me, there are so many you can just pick one off the street and say 'hey babe, do you want to go out' and BOOM! They are internally yours until you decide to cheat on him with his half-brother! I-I-I just can't understand it! I yawn and plop my face into my bowl of oatmeal, gathering a few laughs, hollering from Jackson. I slam my hands on the table and march out, not getting a single comment (much like with this story **heard that **shut up, linkinparkfan9799).

ARES, B*TCH!

Ashlyn heaves up a net, sardines and other multiple fish squirming. "Tell me again when we're going to get revenge on Jade?"

"Soon you big baby," Clarisse mutters.

"Now Clarisse, she has guts," I state. "The only thing wrong is the fact she wants a guy like Tom."

She drops the entire net of fish. "TOM FELTON IS THE HOTTEST GUY EVER! How could you not see that?"

I roll my eyes and heave up the net to find whatever fish is left. "Yeah, so, if you feel _that _strong for him, the tazer is in my suitcase."

ARES, B*TCH!

Clarisse and I are reading, just reading. It might seem weird to you that we're not fighting with swords and that, despite how nice that would be on a rainy day like this, but hey, we worked hard yesterday for those fish. Jade is in our cabin as well, just visiting for the sake of that we have business with the Apollo chicks (the guitar Tom wants?). Honestly, I don't see the big F*CKING deal. He's just another boy like the rest of them. I take my sugar depositor, what looks a lot like a pot mechanism, and the door swings open, banging into the wall and slamming back and causing the person's nose to snap one way. I shut the sugar depositor and fling it across the cabin to prevent the suspiciousness of me taking pot, which I don't at all. Percy shoves the door open once more, holding a bloody nose and several sardines squirming in his pockets. I see his pants jerk as well, so I decide to muffle my laughter before getting Chiron to get his horse as* over hear by the volume and busting me, meaning nights playing Modern Warfare 3 with mom and soldier cookies. Honestly, as much as that's my favorite thing to do, she always beats me. It's F*CKING irritating.

"KELSEY!" Percy roars, cueing me to run for it as he yanks out Riptide.

I dash past, scrambling for my sword somewhere. He chases me through the mud and grim, which really shows how P*SSED he is (notice all the censoring in this). I run for the water. Now, before you judge, just think of last chapter (apparently he's too angry to). I skid to a stop at the cliff edge and wait until he's close enough to side-step, sending off the cliff and into the water to get his leg tangled with seaweed. I smirk.

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO ATLANTIS WHILE YOU'RE THERE?" I laugh out, whistling 'Shut Me Up' by Mindless Self Indulgence as I stroll back to the Ares Cabin.

I soon regret so. You might ask why, you might ask how, but ask yourself this one and only question, since it answers all: _what was Ashlyn going to do with that tazer? _Clarisse is rolling on the ground, laughing her heart out (I swear I see it somewhere in her mouth), Jade fighting Ashlyn off as Ashlyn tries to shove the tazer into her face! Eventually, I start laughing myself, since you have to admit, it's:

PERCY vs. KELSEY

ASHLYN vs. JADE

And

JADE-ASHLYN vs. JADE OLIVIA (Tom's 'girlfriend')

You know, Dad has to be awfully busy with those three alone if it's those five insane chicks (I SAID IT!) fighting it out for the death, which Jade's Dad is most likely to provide if we don't choose who wins what, you know?


	5. 1

Note: I-MUST-PUT-A-NOTE-ON-EVERY-CHAPTER!

_#1_

So, the winner of that little tazer war was none other than Chiron, hearing the sparking and the screams of 'HE IS MINE B*TCH', ext. and ext. So, after much thinking, I thought why not let _both _insane chicks have Tom? I asked him about it earlier today on what girls he liked, and he answered his girlfriend, since he's loyal. This is where Clarisse whispered that they were probably going to break up if Jade Olivia found out about what I'm going to do, so that's a bonus. Clarisse has the camera set up and ready, and, since this is WAYS TO ANNOY PERCY JACKSON, he's included. I coaxed Annabeth with an 'apology' (please) and now they are all going to be where two closets are; the weapon's storage. I check my watch and tap my foot, my mom saying once that it wasn't good to play with love. Man was _that _a big lie!

Percy comes in, a bit reluctant. Annabeth is soon after, pushing him in, even though I outsmarted a _daughter of Athena_! PROUD OF YOUR DAUGHTER NOW ***CENSORED***? Something feels wet, so I look down to blood dripping down my pants. I curse slightly and shuffle behind Clarisse, hoping they wouldn't notice _where _the blood was coming from. Mom would probably say 'you should've kept quiet' at this point in time, but look at her! She says 'YOU'RE F*CKING GOING DOWN, YOU MOTHER F*CKING C*NT OF A ***CENSORED***' when she _dreams _of playing war games! It's _that _bad peoples! It's even worse when she's playing them actually, so that's my life persons of this planet! Wait…where was I?

**You were having your-**

Got it, thanks SO much linkinparkfan9799 (rolls eyes). So, yeah, I'm having that thanks to Athena…Annabeth finally is able to push Percy in front of me, and then Ashlyn and Jade, not Jade Olivia, arrive with Tom, a rather confused Tom I should say. Clarisse and I exchange smirks and she grabs Annabeth and Percy, shoving them into one closet that's only lockable from the outside. Jade and I push Tom into the opposite, but Ashlyn runs in hoping to get a kiss from Tom in the dark. Clarisse and I shove against the doors, exchanging once every thirty seconds for boredom purposes. That's when I notice Percy and Annabeth slamming hard on the door.

"LET US OUT!" Percy roars, growing hoarse with every word.

I laugh out loud. "When I die, my friend, you will be let out."

I crossed my fingers of course, but he apparently doesn't know that. A knife is stabbed through the door an inch from my head and a sword in between my legs, drips of blood falling onto the golden metal. I sigh and take this time to obsess over an anime character VERY well drawn. His name is Zero and he's from Vampire Knight. I sigh in love and that's when Logan walks in. Yippee. He sighs and shakes his head, so Clarisse puts a disbelieving expression on, but he just walks to the door with Percy and unlocks it. The door swings open, slamming me into a table, and Tom rushes out, covered with crimson lipstick and traces of blush. Jeez those two are rabid. He passes out and Ashlyn with Jade walk out, claw marks and blood on one another. Talk about a cat fight. I blink and walk over to Percy. I kick him where it hurts.

"That's for trying to kill me," I snap, running out to find an F*CKING pad!

After note: Short, but I REALLY could use a pad, tampon even! Leave a comment and (cramp) please…SOMEONE GET ME A F*CKING PAD!

**I apologize about Kelsey, but hey, she never knew manners. **


	6. 5 and 7

Note: AbbyDawn1234 is Ashlyn, Madi is a friend of Superchick11's, Abbydawn1234's, and me.

_#5+7_

I sneak into Percy and Logan's Poseidon cabin, slowly pushing through the door with a sharpie in my pocket and a sack to carry all of Percy's money in. Logan snores, which I should say is odd, and I creep to Percy's nightstand, slowly opening a drawer. You might be wondering what's with the sharpie, well, do you really think I can pass the chance to color his face while he's sleeping? As for the money, that's a suggestion, and he took half of the money I earned with selling those pictures just because 'he was the one in them'. He's pathetic right? I grin maniacally once I find his stash and shovel it in the bag, shoveling my own money in my own pockets. I stand and start to walk over to doodle on his face when my phone starts playing 'Her Name Is Alice' by Shinedown REALLY loud! I grunt and scramble for the phone, dropping the sharpie on Percy's temple, and start smashing it against a wall for some odd reason. Maybe it's out of frustration?

"Shut-up-you-stupid-metal-piece-of-schist!" I snarl every thump.

Eventually, the operator comes along and I have to shove the phone into my thigh to shut it up. That's when my mom's worried voice echoes in the shell cabin. "Kelsey, you have to get to the hospital! It's Madi!"

I sigh, giving Percy one regrettable glance that his face is still clean and just grab the sharpie, snapping it in half and letting the ink drip all over his face. May I say he's one heavy sleeper? I run out of the place, having thrown the pieces of sharpie hard at his head without much result other than stirring. Why did Madi have to get herself pregnant with a werewolf?

ARES, B*TCH!

I slam hard into the door, that being my version of knocking for my dysfunctional mother. "Come in," Madi's strong, yet light voice permits.

I open the door to see Madi, one of my oldest friends (in years knowing and age), with even _more_wires than last time. You see, Madi is twenty-one, three years and five months older than me (I'm eighteen, but born at a different time obviously). She got herself drunk one night and her husband, Taylor Lautner, was there. Now, she's breeding a half werewolf! Well, I guess werewolves are already half wolf…so a third wolf? She's told me she hopes it's a girl, and really she's the only person I know who can get relationships straight. I sit down in a chair and she smiles, the IV seeming deeper than usual. Cool. Mom walks out, obviously knowing I want to talk with her alone. Madi smiles.

"What's up, Kelsey?" she mutters.

I place a finger on my chin and look up at the plain white ceiling, the florescence from the lighting fixtures nearly blinding me. "Hmm, where do I start? Ashlyn and Jade both started five minutes in Heaven with Tom Felton, I pushed a guy off a cliff, locked same guy in a closet, Ashlyn tazered Jade, I stole a dude's money, replaced a guys clothes with seaweed, a shell bikini, and a fake mermaid tail, and oh yeah, Ashlyn was caught in a cabin. Anything else?"

She blinks. "O…Okay? So, what's this with Ashlyn tazering Jade?"

I explain the whole crush on Tom Felton, the tazer I lent her, and the fact of exactly _why_she was set off. Madi sighs and gently sits up. "You know, by the looks of things, it's _your_fault for leaving her there to be made fun of."

"Hey, remember who woke who up!" I snap.

She chuckles and grabs a tub of frosting, making me raise a brow. "Cravings," she states, setting a spoonful of frosting into her mouth.

I smirk. Yep, this is the same old Madi.

ARES, B*TCH!

Luckily, I get back before Percy wakes up, having my mom give me another sharpie. It surprised me she even _had_writing stuff. I run into his cabin and scribble all over his face, breaking the pen once more and spilling the ink all over his face. I run out, nearly out of breath, when I slam into someone with a red face. No, not someone with a red face, _Jade_with a red face. I raise a brow and Ashlyn's laughing not too far.

"Uh…"

Jade holds up a jar of avocado junk, the stuff they use for those avocado facial masks. That answers a lot.

ARES, B*TCH!

It's the next night, and I'm resting. Ashlyn is admiring a picture of Tom, which isn't really surprising. The door creaks open, Clarisse snoring on the lower bunk below me, and Percy and Logan walk through, permanent markers with them. I gulp and throw a spare brick at Clarisse's head. She wakes up in an instant. She glares at Percy and grabs a spear.

"THINK YOU CAN DRAW ON OUR FACES IN OUR SLEEP HUH?" she roars, charging.

Ashlyn and I exchange glances and shrug. Why not entertain ourselves? We grab our swords, but Jade pops up with Basilisk, her face covered with a brown paper bag. Well, that is…random. I chase after Percy, Logan, and most of the now awake Ares cabin. I run up and slash at Percy, then run ahead to make this one, fair statement… "ARES RULES!".


	7. You're Joking Right?

Note: THIS COMPUTER HATES ME!

**And me.**

SHUT UP, YOU'RE NOT IN THIS STORY!

**How many times-**

(Zips up 'Containment center') THERE!

_Kelsey, just get it up!_

Fine, Clarisse…Jeez…

_You're Joking Right?_

I whistle a happy tune while flipping Percy's coins one by one into the air for O' Leary to gobble up. Surprisingly enough, she hasn't choked yet. I glance down at the list to the unchecked numbers.

6. Give Clarisse all of the Percy Jackson books without telling him

9. Give him red food and say it's from Annabeth

10. (For me to know and for you to find out)!

I hear rustling in the bushes and sigh, walking inside the Ares cabin. I grab my sword, happy that I'm fresh out of 'Percy money', and then the door opens. I turn to Jade, her face still blotched up from last _week_. Yeah, that's how long it's been. I smuggle a laugh and I notice a bag, one writhing as if in pain. I raise a brow and she just shoves me out, threatening me with Basilisk. Honestly, I would've gotten out if she just _asked. _Clarisse comes up and raises a brow as Jade barricades the F*CKING place! I sigh and balance the sword hilt on my shoulder, Clarisse shrugging and the both of us walking to practice.

ARES, B*TCH!

We're eating lunch outside since when Percy and I were sword fighting…it's obvious that since I couldn't put it in here that it was _that _bad and bad influential. Jade is beginning to recover, her face just red as if she ran twenty miles with winter clothes. Ashlyn is talking to her about Tom, something Clarisse and I decide to ignore until we both hear shouting. At least, I did, Clarisse could just be 'Monkey see, Monkey do'.

"Whoa, _I'm _getting him a guitar!" Ashlyn scowls. "You have to get something else!"

"No, _I _already got him a guitar and _you _have to get something else!"

"Look, I'm getting him a guitar, so you back off!"

"Make me!"

Ashlyn smirks. Clarisse gets a bag of popcorn from some distracted dope and places it in between us. "YOU *****CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED*****with a bucket of *****CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED*****soup*****CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED*** **donkey with a *****CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, VERY CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED*****cream cheese*****CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED*** **with SH*T on top!"

Clarisse's and my own jaws drop, popcorn dropping out and onto the grass or our laps. Trust me, you DON'T want to know (but if you want to find a good portion of what she said, look up the seven words you're not allowed to say on television). Jade is also gaping, her red face paling to her nature skin color, which is a bad sign. Clarisse and I exchange looks before turning back to Ashlyn, the girl _everyone _is staring at.

"You're joking right?" we ask in unison.

Ashlyn takes out her long sword. "No."

Jade flings out Basilisk. "BRING IT!"

"OH IT'S ON!"

Clarisse and I laugh as they go into all out war. People take sides, some not coping well with the other's decisions, so they start fighting. The camp leaders fight as well, the camp master, Dionysus, not really caring and just going back to his soda. I grab my sword, thinking just now of another way to annoy Percy, right across the battlefield. Praying I won't become Swiss Cheese, I run through, somehow dodging Jade and Ashlyn's weapons of daggers and swords and shields, and charging at him. No, this isn't ten, but it's something.

11. (I guess it's eleven…) Go ahead and randomly attack him

When I grow up, I'm going to write a story about it (**you already are**). Yeah, but this isn't for pay! **But a lot of people would have read it by then**. Shut up! Ugh…so, anyways, I attack Jackson, blah, blah, blah, FAST FORWARD!

ARES, B*TCH!

This is going to be one HUGE hospital bill, I can tell you that much. Chiron, escaping with a single eye patch, glares at us with the other, blabbing on about how we should've helped calm them down. That's when we ask where _he _was and he simply answers that he was trying to calm campers down when one stabbed his eye with a pencil. Clarisse and I twitch and he rolls in his human wheelchair to the hospitalize camp. Well, for some reason, only Clarisse and I aren't wounded, got out without a single scratch. Most have broken bones and torn tissues and that's it. The only reason I say most, is because three ended up _worse. _Yeah, I'm talking about Percy, Ashlyn, and Jade. Percy has a cracked tibia, along with several torn tissues, two sprained fingers, one snapped toe, a broken nose that's bleeding, deep, black and blotchy bruises, and his ear is cut and half (no comment to the press). Ashlyn, muttering to him about how I only was angry because of that whole Ares vs. Percy thing (can she read minds?), has…a lot of things wrong with her. They had to cut an eight of a stomach out because it was punctured, her nose was actually moved a centimeter to the left, her bridge cracked several times, her neck was sore by what she had said, her left leg was twisted all the way around, which amazes me, her other is crippled up and nearly curled into a perfect circle, save for the jerking out kneecap, a quarter of her hair was yanked out, so they had to stitch up the scalp, and I think her liver is having hard times functioning. Jade…not so lucky either. Her ribs were snapped, one digging into the flesh on her lungs and another scrapping the surface, six fingers are either twisted or snapped back, Her ankle is on the brink of falling off, most of her teeth are knocked out, her throat is smaller now, thinner as well, her elbow was nearly snapped off, her nose was smacked upwards to press the tip to her bridge, bruises all over, scars mostly on her lower tummy for kidney failure, she's in a concussion, and her heart rate is one beep every two seconds. Honestly, I think Ashlyn could've won, but Ashlyn isn't looking so well, so I don't think the judging vote should be decided yet.

I walk out and through the hospital to visit Madi. I open the door to Taylor, sitting next to her with her hands in his. I roll my eyes and sit down, Madi smiling at me. "How are you Kelsey?"

"Nothing unusual," I shrug, knowing that actually means 'what happened and why are you F*CKING here'. "Except the fact that all of camp is here."

She laughs at that. "Nice joke." When she sees my confused expression, her smiles starts to waver and her heart rates rises. "You _are _kidding, right?"

I shake my head and stand, exiting and finding Clarisse out in the hall, her hands over her ears. "What's wrong with you?" I question.

"Can we go? I have something to do," she mutters bitterly.

I sigh and nod, following her out of the hospital.

ARES, B*TCH

Well, you can add Tom and Logan to the list of survivors, because they were talking somewhere in the strawberry fields that _whole time_. I'm shocked to be honest, since Jade rolled a F*CKING boulder down one of the hills and they didn't even notice when it slammed into the Demeter cabin? Yeah, it's extremely hard to believe. Now, Clarisse is snapping pictures while Tom tries to repair any damages to the Aphrodite cabin shirtless, which makes me raise a brow.

"Tell me again why you're snapping pictures of Tom shirtless?" I mutter. No answer. "You're joking right?"

"Hey," she turns, scowling, "when someone pays me five Drachmas, I DON'T joke."

She returns to snapping pictures, leaving me to slowly shake my head and stand to walk away.


	8. 9

Note: Aw this is the sucky chapter!

**Hey, you did this CR*P.**

Doesn't mean I regret I didn't do #10 yet!

**By the way, when _is _that?**

Chap. 10, dork.

**Gee, thanks.**

_#9_

I whistle and whistle as I polish an apple thrice and set it on a counter. Oh, it's you (pointing at you reader!). Well, do you know what mood I'm in? Not a happy one. Jade, next to me, is practically smooching a picture of Tom and Ashlyn…well, I haven't _seen _Ashlyn to be honest. Also, listening to Disturbed is only a good way to get your blood pumping with the edge, so hm. Today, I'm doing something totally LAME just to get Jackson's guard down. All I want to do is torture the living B*TCH and get #10 done! I sigh and look at Clarisse, trying to get Annabeth to talk to her because of some bet they made. To be honest, it's hard to get Annabeth to loose a bet. Percy walks in with Logan and they sit down at their table. I look up to the ceiling and pray to Ares, or Dad as I like to call him, for this to at least embarrass him or get laughs. I pick up the apple and the bag of extras and walk over, handing Percy the one at hand. He raises a brow.

"It's from Annabeth," I shrug, setting it down and kicking the table 'accidentally' to make it fall onto his foot. Thankfully, it bounces up and he barely catches it, so I walk away and clear my throat. "OH MY GAD IT'S EDWARD CULLEN!"

You'd be surprised how many girls actually _looked_ (a boy also did, but I'd prefer not to think into _that_). Annabeth looks over at the sound of her own voice not really hers and raises a brow. Every camper laughs at that, and Annabeth stands, furious to a degree.

"KELSEY!" she screams, running forward.

I laugh and take out my sword (the AK-47), parrying with her blow. Soon, the teachers are trying to pry us away, but are multiple times unsuccessful. I sweep her ankles and she cuts mine, so I stomp on her wrist and direct my sword to her face and smirk. "Point."

I flick her nose with the tip and step off, seething my favored sword and walking to Clarisse, who's walking to Annabeth for her pay. Jade runs up next to me, smiling coldly. "So, do you like Percy or something?"

I shake my head. "If I liked him, he'd be dead."

That's when we hear what sounds like a boulder rolling down a hill. Jade side-steps and so do I. Percy runs out and a huge gray boulder slams into him. Ashlyn is running down the hill with an apologetic look. "SORRY PERCY!" Jade and I laugh until our ribs hurt, in which Ashlyn smacks both of us up the heads. "Shut up! I was aiming for Jade!"

Jade smirks and takes out her sword. "Why don't we settle it like they did in ancient Roma, huh?" she speaks in a foreign Italian accent probably from the fact she can speak the language.

"Bring it!" Ashlyn smiles, whipping her weapon out and both swinging at each other, nearly decapitating me.

"Jeez," I roll my eyes, walking away like absolutely NOTHING happened.

_After math in the conference room:_ What did I tell you? THAT SUCKED!

**You did this!**

SO? IT-STILL-SUCKED-BALLS!

_**Hey, people trying to read!**_

_Ashlyn, I don't think reading How to Kill a Daughter of Pluto counts as reading._

_**Do you have any better ideas, Clarisse?**_

**Kelsey, it's either I post this or people have a complete gap of WHAT THE F*CK HAPPENED!**

GAP!

**SORRY, POSTING IT NOW!**

NO!

**Three, two, ah SH*T my period…**

HAH!

**Oh you can't take credit!**

Yeah I can!

**NO!**

YES!

**NO!**

_SHUT IT!_

**WHATEVER!**

WHAT SHE SAID!

**That's what she said 'Blue!'**

'_**Green'**_

'PURPLE!' Clarisse you have to moan.

_No._

MOAN!

_Dude, what about the next chapter?_

Oh yeah…SORRY FOLKS, CLARISSE WILL BE CUT OUT BECAUSE SHE'S CHICKEN!

_WHAT WAS THAT? _

**(At this point, Clarisse is choking Kelsey) GUYS! WE NEED HER! Ugh, see you next chap folks. **


	9. 6 and Capture the Flag

**Aw…are we near the end?**

Pretty much. Mom says I need to focus on chopping dummies heads off more than annoying the CR*P out of Jackson.

…**ignoring that…**

_#6 and Capture the Flag _

Working hard on making books appear, I whistle 'Promises' by ADEMA to pass the time, but all I'm getting are scraps with the lyrics. Jeez. I huff and look out the door. This is the last boring way before my best way yet: #10. Clarisse is due any minute, Ashlyn is writing a poem, and Jade is…well…chopping dummies heads off, what _I'm _supposed to be doing. Why is she the lucky one! I huff and a hardcover book drops on top of my head, making me fall out of the chair and chin flat onto the floor. I grumble and pry the book off my head, seeing it's only the first two out of…five I believe. Someone knocks on the door of the Ares cabin and I rush over to place my ear on the wood.

"Name?" I demand.

"Let me in dork," Clarisse snorts.

Time for some fun, don't 'cha think? "Sorry, I only know 'Clarisse is a dork' and Clarisse digs dorks'."

She punches her fist through the wood a centimeter from the tip of my nose. "LET ME IN!"

"Alright, jeez!" I snap, ripping the tape off and yanking the chains out, sliding the cage with the rabid puppy terrier to the left, detaching the buzzer, plucking the bucket of acid off the top of the door, and finally unlocking the door, allowing Clarisse access. "What?"

"Where the books you promised?" she asks.

I point to the table, now a third hardcover landing on it. "It takes time, dumb as*," I sigh. "You can have the first three, but the last two have to w-"Two hardcover books slam down on her head, so I chuckle. "Never mind, now where's my money?" She hands me a pile of lollipop wrappers and runs off. I blink and look down and see this is enough for… "COOL! I can get a little plush Dum-Dum!"

ARES, B*TCH!

It's the next day, lunch time. Clarisse is annoying Percy and Logan comes over, setting his tray next to mine, since today's one of the only days we're allowed to sit at other tables. Also with me are Ashlyn and Jade, fighting about Tom. I huff and balance my chin on the backs of my hands. "You know he has a girlfriend, right?" I mumble.

They nod and go at figuring out ways to dispose of the competition, then Percy comes over, and then he slams his tray down on my head. I stand and Ashlyn runs in between us. "WHOA!" she says. She turns to Percy. "Hey, what's going on?"

He jabs a finger at me. "This is the last straw, Imbiber!" he snaps. "During Capture the Flag today, you're DEAD!"

I blink and gap slightly. "Wait…that's _today_?"

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Logan wonders, staring at Jade with some form of adoring gaze.

I squeal, making people turn to stare. "I NEED TO GET THE SHOVEL!" I run out.

**WHAT IS WITH YOU AND SHORT CHAPTERS!**

Cool it, the last chapter has it all!

**It better, I'm not publishing you to waste hard drive space!**


	10. 10 and the decision

**YAY! THE END!**

Shut up! It's not a bad story! Just look at those reviews!

**Yeah, they're congratulating ME for the publishing. Without me, you're a stick in a sack of soggy hay.**

…Dude…that is _SO _wrong.

_#10 and the decision_

Warning: No need to try and be me.

It's time. I have my gear up and ready, my trusting shovel in hand, the spade held with a heavy amount of duct tape for purposes you don't need to know about. We walk onto the field, the team choices set out. I see Percy, so I ready my shovel. I know what you're thinking. _What the he** does she think she's doing? _Think about my personality. Think about my intense hate for Jackson. It should sum it up. The horn or whatever sounds and we all charge. A girl with long brown hair and dark eyes comes through the gates and I raise a brow when Jade rushes to attack, stabbing a spear through her body and…wait…isn't that Tom's girlfriend? Jeez. I _should _help the girl, now being massacred, but eh, I have more important issues to deal with. Percy charges, but I slap him across the face with a shovel. I smile when I kick his ribs to no reply but soft intakes of breath and drag him off behind some bushes, digging a deep hole while people fight it out to the practical death. I roll him in and the compact to his head wakes him up immediately. He looks around and glares at me.

"KEL-"he starts, but he gets a mouthful of dirt and rocks.

As I shovel the dirt back, he tries to climb up, but he's worthless without water. I see Tom look this way and raise a brow, but I wave him off. Percy keeps trying to call for help, but the spade eventually comes loose and smacks his chest, making a nasty cracking sound. I wince and just shove the rest of the dirt in, his last word being 'HE'. I guess he was actually gay as in 'he was my lover' or something like that. Hmm, I guess we'll never know (:-)). I look back to see Jade, still murdering the SH*T out of Tom's poor girlfriend, and I huff, sitting on the spot now marked with 'DOGS P*SS HERE' and I lean back, waiting for the flag to be captured and this chapter to be done with since…

10. Bury him alive far from water until he is silent

…is completed. Yep, all of my ten ways are done and over with. I hear cheering and stand. Then my phone rings.

ARES, B*TCH!

I stare with absolute horror. Why did Mom have to make me come and watch Madi give birth? IS SHE MENTAL? Maybe it's too many war games. Yep. That's it. I pray to Ares that this will be all over soon, cringing with the first ping of fear at her wails and the little head that pops out. Jeez, is this early sex education or something! Finally, the baby is out, and Taylor with Madi are smiling with glee. I rush out and slam the door, my back hard against it. "Final decision, NO BABIES FOR ME!" Then my phone rings _again_.

Ares, B*TCH?

After Jade's brutal murder of Tom's ex with scooping out eyes and gore with toothpicks, Jade and Ashlyn hold her funeral, also adding a 'DOGS P*SS HERE' sign. They then cremate her in some grill and dump the ashes into the ocean, which I find murder for the fish. Jeez…Have they any consideration for the poor, future poisoned fish that take a nibble of Tom's Ex ashes (no names). Tom Felton is next to me, watching the ashes float off, and takes Ashlyn's hand. "Hey," I hear him whisper into her ear. "I want to show you something."

This should be good.

ARES, THE STALKER B*TCH!

After following them to ALL THE WAY ACROSS CAMP, they rest on the edge of a cliff. Tom takes out a guitar and I swear I see Ashlyn blush. "I wrote this song just for you, Ashlyn."

He starts to sing and strum his guitar. At the end, he says he called it 'If It's Alright With You' or something like that. It starts to sprinkle and they just blush at one another, the down pour soon coming, a sickly green poncho fitted around my bored figure pretending to eat popcorn, dropping a few imaginary pieces here and there just to give me something to DO. As the down pour comes down hard, they lean in and…jeez, kiss. How did I know that would happen? I huff and sigh, looking through my phone messages and stopping at Jade's.

_Hey, where r u?_

I take a small picture of Tom and Ashlyn kissing and send it to her. I don't get a response. I sigh and walk away, a red faced Jade dashing by and soon I hear… "WHAT ARE YOU DOING RAPING MY TOM?"

Good thing my recorder is on.

ARES, B*TCH!

Mom is waiting at the bottom of the hill, Clarisse loading the bags into the trunk. Good thing she's staying with my mom and I during break. Ashlyn limps over, also staying over and Jade limps over as well, also staying over. Jeez, I think their parents were just taking advantage of Mom when she made the offer! I rub the back of my neck and watch Tom run up, giving a quick peck to Ashlyn's cheek and helping her forward. Logan runs up, stopping Jade. "Hey…Jade," he smiles.

She smiles in return. "Yeah?"

He hands her a blooming pink rose. "Please take this."

She smiles wider and accepts it, holding it to her heart. "Wow…thank you."

He smiles and helps her, seeing he's going to be staying with his mom and probably figuring _eh, for the best of it! _That's when I hear a teacher scream. "EEK! WHO BURIED PERCY JACKSON ALIVE!"

I smirk and walk into the passenger seat of Mom's car, making her give me a raised eye-brow and just shake her head, jerking the key to the left in the ignition. "Just like your father…" she mutters.

I laugh with pride and we ride off (not into the sunset, dumb as*, that's cliché), into an ice cream vendor. "OH SH*T WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?" Mom gasps, making us all cling to anything.

"Zeus help us," Clarisse prays.

I nod in fearful agreement and we try it _again_. I think Zeus listened, until a bird poops on the windshield in front of my face with something that resembles 'you owe me'. I shudder. That's Zeus for you.

_END!_

…**Yeah, 9-1-1, we have a homicide case…**

SHUT UP! IT'S NOT HOMICIDE!

**YOU KILLED PERCY JACKSON!**

*WAVES HAND IN FRONT OF FACE* You didn't see a thing…

***GRABS WRIST* Dude stop.**


End file.
